Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
