I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
