Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Is her dick bigger than yours?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
did i just pee glitter
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
