I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize