If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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