i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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