I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
