Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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