I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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