My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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