So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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