Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
