When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
