Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
