If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
