I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
