Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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