He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
