On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
