our cab driver is having phone sex.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
