Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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