He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I will be naked everywhere
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
