im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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