Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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