Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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