Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
