ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
