If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
