Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
