He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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