Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
