My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
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What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
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The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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