If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
