Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
