PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
even my farts smell like vagina
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize