I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just want nice things and good sex
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
