Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He felt like a one man threesome
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
