I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
