I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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