Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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