I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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