But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
