$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
