she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
