She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm passing your future prison.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
