going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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