Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
