i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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