You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
