Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
