I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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