You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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