I must be too annoying 4 u.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Sorry about my life...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
