it wasn't lemon gatorade
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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