At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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