I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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