So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
