apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
