Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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