it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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