Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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