Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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