just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
