she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
