she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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