Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
