This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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