Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize