Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
