im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
