If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
