Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
