i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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