That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
