I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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