# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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